Abitus
by cosmoslogic
Summary: Len is in love with Rin. Fortunately, she's alive. Unfortunately, he's dead. Still, he won't let that stop him. Just to see her smile sincerely again, to stop her from crying... he would do anything. Just to tell her that he loves her would be okay. And maybe he will - today. Oneshot. Rin/Len. Noncest.


**Disclaimer****: **I don't own Vocaloid(s). I only own the story plot and the character personalities. Kagamine Rin and Len belong to Crypton Future Media. Their design belongs to KEI.

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**Abitus  
- Departure -**

She has short, glowing golden hair. Her eyes are an unfathomable, animated shade of cerulean. Her smile is like a thousand suns – it lights up the entire room. When she speaks, it's not like she's saying words – she's breathing them… Her voice is melodic like a song. Her laugh is pretty and sweet. Her skin is clear like the sky on a good day. She is delicate. She is stunning, gorgeous, beautiful – more than any possible words can describe.

By the way, she's alive.

And I'm dead.

That doesn't stop me from falling in love with her, though.

Rin is her name. It's a simple name. It's a cute name. It suits her for sure. I wish I could say it over and over again. I wish that when I say it, she'd turn and smile at me like she does for others.

But not the fake smile she pulls onto her face. I don't want the fake smile. I want her to smile with happiness – with sincerity. I don't like it when she pretends. Inside, she's hurting, but she doesn't show it around others. When she's alone, the smile falls from her rosy, lenient lips. Her azure orbs lose their life – they turn dull and lonely… and miserable. The life falls from her eyes in the shape of tears.

I want to wipe them away. I want to tell her everything's alright. I want to hold her close. I want to make her happy again. Why is she so sad? Why does she cry? Why does she hide her unhappiness behind a façade? Why does she always choose to let her tears fall when she's alone, when she's out of sight, on the roof of the school building? Why does she whisper every time, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'?

Today, I just want to try. I _need _to try, try to make her see me, so I can make her happy. It's worth an attempt. I'm an angel, right? I should do these things. I should spread goodness to all those around me. I want to spread that goodness to Rin.

If only I knew how to 'appear', to become 'visible' to humans. It's useless. I don't have any idea how to. But I'll try. I'll try my hardest, for Rin and myself. I have to tell her to be happy. I have to tell her I love her, even though she may not have the slightest idea of who I am. I love her. I really do love her. It's crazy – an angel falling in love after they're dead, right? What's the use of that?

"Good morning," Rin greets her classmates cheerfully when she enters the classroom. The students respond with equal enthusiasm, before carrying on with their chatting. Rin moves to her usual seat by the window. The one beside her is always empty; it seems the person allocated there is always absent. Then again, no one has sat there in the last two months, so it doesn't make much sense. Is the seat rumoured to be cursed? Do people not want to sit beside Rin?

I watch as she chats to a few of her friends like there's nothing wrong, like she isn't unhappy. One of her friends is Gumi. She can make Rin laugh. The other is Miki. She cares a lot for Rin. However, they don't know she cries. They don't know she's unhappy.

Rin goes silent as Miki asks her something with a sympathetic expression. I can't really hear what she asks over the talking of the other students, but I can tell Rin is offended by it. Her friends try to apologize guiltily; nevertheless, Rin forces a smile onto her face and tries to act strong. I can see she's upset. I wonder if what Miki said is a clue to why Rin cries a lot. Now I wish I heard what she asked…

The day moves on, as it does, and I follow Rin around the school like her shadow. I want to watch over her, to protect her, to make sure she's okay. It's like an instinct. Soon enough, lunch comes into play and Rin quickly disappears up to the rooftop, although her friend's ask if she wants to sit with them. They do that every day. But Rin always refuses.

As she makes her way hurriedly up the stars, the tears already start falling. Her façade crumples and she starts to sob uncontrollably, but the wind at the top of the building hides it. She puts her head in her hands, curls up into a ball and stays very still for a long time. I watch in pity as she cries and cries. I want to hold her. I want to pull her close and keep her there until she stops. But I don't. I can't. Not right now. I'll wait until later.

Rin pulls away from her former position and wipes away her tears with the back of her hand. She laughs a bit and sniffs. "I wonder what you'd say if you saw me like this." she says gently. It sounds like she's talking to me, but she isn't looking at me, so I can tell she isn't. Instead, she's looking at a necklace she's wearing, like she's trying to communicate through it.

The necklace is gold with a small treble clef charm.

I'm wearing one like that, but it's a got a bass clef.

It's probably just a coincidence.

I wonder who she's talking to, though. The way she says it, it sounds sad and reminiscing. Is… that person gone? Are they dead, like me? Is… that the reason she cries…?

"E-everyone's starting to worry about me now, since they know it hurts. I don't want to make them worry. I-it's… you probably wouldn't want me to cry about you either… would you?" she sighs, smiling at the necklace sadly. The tears are returning and pooling in the corner of her eyes, threatening to spill. "B-but its s-so hard, y-you just-" she chokes out a sob, stopping mid-sentence. She starts to cry, her body shaking with every deep inhalation she takes. Her hands cover her face to hide it. I hate this. I hate seeing her so wretched. Why… can't she be happy? Who is this person who's making her sad?

I watch as she settles soon later, picking at her lunch due to lack of appetite. The bell rings, signalling the end of lunch and she hurries off to class. I follow closely after her, just like a protective shield. I can't let her break.

Before I know it, she's saying her goodbyes to her friends at the end of the day. "See you tomorrow, Gumi, Miki," she says with a weak smile, waving at them over her shoulder. Her friends wave back happily, answering with their own farewells. The three friends split up; Rin walking in the direction across the oval, towards the park at the back of the school which she often saunters through to her house, and Gumi and Miki in the direction of the train station, for they live on the other side of town.

I don't ever follow Rin home after school. I usually stay behind and watch the teachers leave eventually, until the school is dead silent and empty, before the teachers return again for the next day. It's an endless cycle. But today, I want to follow Rin home. I want to try…

Rin strolls through the grass, her head down in deep concentration. Her feet shuffle unenthusiastically through the prairie, kicking at leaves or rocks in the way. Her small, delicate hand tightens around her bag strap and readjusts it several times, like an anxious action.

Her other hand goes up and touches the necklace around her neck numerous times to check it's still there, like she's worried she might lose it. Rin bites down on her lip, sweeping her eyes over the remainder of the oval she has to walk through. I have to talk to her. I have to try.

But before I get a chance, Rin stops dead in her tracks and stares at something up ahead. She gazes at the empty swings in the park, a sad look crossing her face. She resumes walking, but in the direction of the swings. It's a brisk walking, like she's desperate to get there before time runs out.

When she arrives at the set of swings, she drops her bag onto the ground and opens it, pulling out a wallet. Rin walks over to one empty swing and collapses onto it with a sigh. She grasps the wallet with her hands, carefully unbuttoning the flap and opening it like she is performing an operation on a sick patient. Rin digs her fingers into the clear plastic section on the side, removing a small photograph from the compartment.

She gazes at it with no expression and sits very still on the swing. What is she looking at? I walk closer to see the image. It's a picture of her… and a boy. The boy… he looks familiar. He looks like the boy I see in my reflections. He looks like… me.

It all comes back to me with a rush.

"_L-Len!" Rin cries, grabbing my hand and holding it with hers. "No! No! N-no-" she starts to cry, tears falling down her face. I can feel the warmth of her hand burning into my cold ones. She pulls my hand close to her chest, squeezing it gently with her delicate fingers._

"_Rin," I whisper, my voice sounding hoarse and weak in the silence of the hospital room, "it's okay. It'll be okay." Rin shakes her head at me and starts to whimper. Other people in the room are watching quietly, but I don't take much notice of them._

"_It's not okay! You promised you wouldn't give up like this! Why, Len?" she asks, sounding desperate. I hate seeing her like this. I hate this horrible feeling. I want to see her happy. But, my body… it just won't…_

"_I-I know I promised," I assure her gently, trying to smile, "and I haven't given up. But I'm losing. It's got to happen, Rin-" Rin cuts me off by slapping her hand over my mouth, continuing to shake her head with strong disagreement._

"_No! You c-can't lose! It's not fair! I-it's not fair! Two years, Len! Two years, you've been fighting for! It c-can't just end like t-this! No!" She yells, taking her hand away from my mouth and pressing it up against my face, holding it there. She runs her fingers against my skin. _

_It's sad I have to leave this place with Rin looking like this. Rin's happiness means everything to me. I lied a lot. I told her I was getting better. Now, I have to see her in pain because I'm… not._

"_Rin, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry, I tried my hardest, I just…no longer…" It's getting hard to speak, like someone is choking my throat with their hands. My lungs groan and my body aches. Soon, I know soon, I will be going far away. I will have to leave Rin, everybody, for the stars. I don't want to. Yet, I will be out of pain. I will be happy. It's just… why do I have to leave now?_

_Rin's tears fall onto my face – she's pulled me into a hug. "Please, Len… don't…" she whispers into my ear, her breath tickling the side of my face. "You can't die. You can't leave me. You can't. It's unfair. Why? Why does this have to happen to you?" I can barely hear her voice as my head starts to slowly fade out. My vision is growing cloudy. My ears are ringing loudly. Is this death?_

_I try my best just to speak to her one last time. "I'm sorry," I murmur, closing my eyes, "I'm sorry I'm so… weak…" My voice stops. I can no longer feel Rin's presence, or the warmth of the hospital bed surrounding me. The pain fades, the ringing halts, the darkness consumes me. And I depart._

Now, I remember everything.

My name is Len.

My best friend was Rin.

She's crying because of me.

I should have died long before I met Rin. I had cancer when I was younger, before Rin and I met in elementary school. I was very, very sick and in pain a lot. It went away, though, and the doctor's thought I was better. There was still that chance of returning. And I knew that if it returned, I wouldn't get off so easily.

When I was still in elementary school, after I got better, I met Rin. I was lonely because I was shy and didn't get along with others – I was bullied a lot, so I was unpopular amongst the other students. Rin saw past that. She walked up to me one day, held out her hand and declared boldly, "My name is Rin. We're going to be friends now, okay?"

And just like that, we became best friends. She was the first person to make me smile. Mum claimed we were 'joined at the hip' since we were so close, stating that we were 'made' for each other and that if one of us were missing, the other wouldn't know what to do with their self. Rin laughed at that.

In the first year of middle school, two things happened. One, I got cancer again. And two, I fell in love with Rin. It was terrible timing. And I hated it. But even when I went back to hospital, Rin and I stayed close friends.

She would always visit me every day, or every second day, or whenever she could and told me what I had missed at school. In the meantime, I had managed convinced her I would get better. Although, I knew all along that I wouldn't. I was just hoping. I just wanted to see her smile a bit more. On our birthday later that year (since we coincidentally shared the same birthdate), she bought two matching necklaces to show our promise. Rin had the treble clef, whereas I had the bass clef. She told me, "Because the two of us make a whole melody."

When I got worse, she started getting upset. When I saw her, she no longer smiled, but cried. And she never said much either. I asked her to sing for me, because I knew she was good at singing – she was popular in the choir at school. So she sang more than she smiled. And that was okay. Her voice made me happy, her voice made me want to combat a little bit more.

I broke our promise eventually. I had fought my hardest, but my body grew tired and gave up without permission. I saw Rin less because I was focusing more on dying, unfortunately. And I hadn't even told her my true feelings. I was too cowardly. I just couldn't. I died unhappy.

Now, I want to make sure I do that. I want to see her smile one more time; I want to tell her, 'I love you'. I don't want to leave her without my proper farewells. I don't want to give up like that.

_Please, give me one more chance._

My hand reaches out to touch her shoulder and on contact with her body, an electric current rushes up my arm. Rin feels my touch almost instantly, turning around to face me with wide eyes. The blood drains from her face and she looks like she's seen a ghost.

I'm almost too shocked myself to spit out any words. But I have to act fast. Otherwise, I will run out of time and lose my chance. "Rin," I say, my voice coming out loud and clear in the brisk afternoon air. Rin doesn't move, but tears start to appear in her eyes and she drops the photograph onto the sand.

"L-Len…" she whispers, a look of disbelief on her face. The tears start to trickle down her rosy cheeks and I frown, reaching out to wipe them away. Rin shivers as I brush my fingers across her silken skin, feeling the strange stirring of _energy _nibbling at my fingertips.

I smile at the sensation. I have no heartbeat, but it doesn't matter. She can see me. I can see her. Everything's okay. "Don't cry," I murmur, pushing a loose strand of hair out of her face. She sucks in her breath, chewing on her bottom lip. "Don't cry anymore."

Rin chokes out a sob and pulls her head away, putting her hand to her face. "No, no… you're not real…" she mutters, shaking her head, "you're dead. I'm hallucinating. He's dead. He's gone. He's-" I gently pull her hand away from her face, stopping her mid-sentence.

"Rin," I say, kneeling down and cupping her face in my hands. "Please don't cry anymore. Please don't. I don't want your tears. I want to see you happy. I want to see your smile – you're real smile. I-I…" I falter on the words I am about to say next. "I love your smile. So please don't hide it anymore. I may be gone, but not forever. I promise we'll meet again. I _swear _we will." Rin's eyes are wide and looking directly into mine. They're like the ocean – I can almost drown in them.

"I-I'm sorry I'm so weak," she cries, reaching up and putting her hands over mine to keep them in place. She curls her delicate fingers in between mine. "I'm so stupid. I'm so cowardly. I'm so useless. W-why did it have to be you? You deserve to live… I should die…" Rin gazes at me intently as tears well up in her eyes.

"Don't say that!" I exclaim, frowning. "Rin, it was supposed to happen. I don't deserve anything. _You _deserve to live. I don't. I didn't want to. The pain – it _hurt_. I was sick, Rin, really sick… I _had _to die… It was my time. Even though I tried not to, I guess it was my fate. Your fate is to live, so make the most of it." Rin shakes her head, tears running down her flushed cheeks.

"I just- I can't live…" she whimpers, "I miss you, Len. I can't live without seeing you every day." Her words make me feels warm and fuzzy inside. I don't want to leave her, never, I want to stay beside her… but it's impossible…

"I-I miss you too… But Rin, I want you to live your life first. Enjoy it. I promise that I'll wait for you… and so that if we… we are reborn… I can be reborn with you." I murmur, pulling her face close to mine. I can feel her warm skin burning into the palms of my hands. "I want to be reborn with you, Rin. Then we can have a good time together again… like we used to. I can protect you and we can laugh together again."I pause in the silence, letting it sink in.

I need to tell her before I go.

_I can feel it. I don't have much time left._

I look into her beautiful cerulean eyes that I might never look into again. Even if it's the last time we'll ever get to see each other… No, I don't hope for that. I want us to be together again. So I can see her smile, hear her laugh, listen to her sing.

"Rin… I-I l-love…" I stammer, watching as Rin's face turns a deep shade of scarlet, like she already knows what's about to happen. "I-I love you. I love you so much. You mean more than anything to me. I wish I could've told you before I left… but… I died before I could…" I stroke my fingers against her face. Tears spill down her cheeks and drip onto her school blouse. Her grips on my hands tighten.

I pull her face towards mine and press my lips up against hers. Her arms go around my neck and pull me closer. My arms snake around her waist and I draw her up against me. We fall back against the soft sand of the play pit and she lets out a brief laugh when we part to breathe, before diving in again. Her lips move against mine affectionately and I caress her face with one hand. She's so warm, her mouth so soft and sweet. I never want this to end. But it will.

I pull away eventually to meet her gaze again. She smiles at me, but this time, it's her real smile. I smile back sadly and brush her hair away from her face. "Thank you for smiling… Thank you for everything." I whisper, squeezing her hand. "I'll see you soon."

And just like that, I disappear from Earth.

But there is no darkness, no sadness or loneliness waiting for me.

Instead, I'm in a field far away.

A familiar girl is waiting nearby.

She turns to me and smiles, holding out her delicate hand to me.

"_Let's be reborn together."_

**- The End -**

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**Author note: **Okay. I hope you readers out there enjoyed that. Please feel free to leave a review, feedback or anything since they are greatly appreciated. :) Thanks to all who review, favourite and follow (? don't know why you would do that, since it's a oneshot. I'm not planning on updating it in the future, sorry.) this story!


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